Wearing Down, Yet Looking Up

 

Everything in this world tends to wear out over time.  Being finite is the rule.  Indeed, the Earth itself is in an inexorable trend to wear out – or at least to “wear down”, as the science of geology makes clear, that discipline of Deep Time.  Erosion ages the mountain ranges and washes them to the sea. 

My own physical strength, for one, has been slowly wearing out and eroding – as I’m sure yours has been (or one day will, for you relatively youngsters).  It’s the Sisyphus task, that endless uphill battle. 

Exercise helps delay the physical decay, but for many of us who are aging we tend to focus much more of our time on intellectual concerns – rigorous personal philosophical-ethical audits, checking our premises, and honest summings-up of a long eventful lifetime, with a view to learn from our vast repertoire of experiences and mistakes, and thus apply our reason to best enjoy whatever life span remains to us. 

Like the prayer of Moses in Psalm 90:  “Teach us to number our days, so that we may get a heart of wisdom.” 

My eyesight is changing quite radically, deteriorating.  Part of it is a developing cataract in one eye, but the rest of it is most likely the process of aging.  I have worn eyeglasses for distant vision since childhood.  When I was about 48 years old, I needed bifocal glasses for close-vision reading.  Now, at 70, I cannot read or focus on anything close with my bifocals, and this is probably another age-related change.  It is hard to see distance, too, so I could probably never get a driver’s license again unless a major correction. 

Yet – Looking up:

In recent days I took advantage of a rare day of low toxic air pollution (PM2.5) in the area and did a very long march hauling groceries, exercise I needed.  Today, I resumed my lifting routine with my dumbbells.  When I pace myself carefully ("numbering my days"), I can avoid injuries and build up strength (and perhaps get a “heart of wisdom” in the bargain).  Ain’t giving up. 

I am a hermit, and I relish the quiet peaceful time I still get to read and think.  As a secular Buddhist, the First Discourse’s Four Tasks are about all I need for the simple practice of serenity.  The life of the mind. 

I have a wonderful wife, who somehow puts up with my eccentric ways.  I have a close extended family in America, as well as friends and former students there, that I still correspond with.  I have great expat friends here.  I think I am as blessed and contented as Epicurus was, retired in his Garden in ancient Athens. 

A lifetime of learning – and of hard lessons – and many great and wonderful experiences.  Great memories, such as my climbing adventures (which I still often relive in dreams at night, e.g., cresting a summit ridge), past lovers, books read, intellectual comrades, and all the many interesting folks I’ve crossed paths with.  Great past; great present; great future. 

I am looking forward to many more decades of such an incredible life, even as Time is intent on wearing me down. 

-Zenwind. 

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