The Aging of my Parents-in-law

 

   (I missed my monthly posting here for August; been quite busy.) 

   Tuk's parents are extremely aged and steadily failing in health.  The circumstances of our caring for them has been drastically altered in the last month. 

   Father-in-law is 92 and weakening at an alarming rate.  Tuk got him to the hospital due to breathing problems, and he was in ICU for a while.  His decline in strength has been over several years, but accelerating recently. 

   Father's communication – at least with me – has been in similar decline.  Many years ago, I could carry on a limited but good conversation with him.  In the last couple of years, our verbal communication has broken down.  I still give him a respectful wai salute the first time we make eye contact each and every day, as I have since the first day I met him.  I will place my hand on his shoulder, and he will look at me with a smile and a silent laugh.  No words from him.  Now, he can barely open his eyes. 

   I wish so much that I could talk with him about his lifelong immersion in Buddhism, about his take on living in this world of Dukkha (i.e., what the early Buddhists in China had called "this Great Matter of Birth and Death"), and about his thoughts on his coming death. 

   He will never return home from the hospital.  We are not physically able to care for him at home, since he is completely bedridden.  Tuk was there with him most of the days and nights during his ICU stay at the private hospital, and now we have had to transfer him to a government hospital for basic end-of-life care.  Tuk visits him twice a day during the midday and evening visiting hours.  He is slowly fading, going gently into that Good Night. 

   Mother-in-law has been spiraling down into more helplessness due to her Alzheimer's dementia.  Brother-in-law has taken her to his home, caring for her there with some help.  She is extremely thin and fragile, fading. 

   Their generation is passing on.  Time:  what an unfathomable attribute of entities!  (Wasn't it Aristotle who said that Time is a kind of "measurement of motion"?)  We are all moving through Time, in one direction.  Dukkha. 

-Zenwind. 

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Rains

 

   The last Full Moon, one week ago, was the holiday of Asalha Puja, or Dharma Day.  It celebrates the Buddha's first discourse, in which he taught the Four Tasks and the Eightfold Path.  The day after is the beginning of the Rains Retreat in countries of Hinayana/ Theravada Buddhism, where monks stay close to their monasteries for the next three months due to the Rainy Monsoon starting and thus making travel difficult. 

   The skies are usually overcast now, and it may rain at any time, sometimes hard.  Although the humidity is still with us, it is much more comfortable now, since the sun is blocked and there are often fine breezes.  An umbrella is indispensable when venturing out. 

-Zenwind. 

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Covid: Day 2

 

   On this, my second full day after testing positive for Covid, I'm feeling much better.  It's like having a common cold, with runny nose (I'm going through boxes of tissue), watery eyes, nasal congestion, and a voice sounding like I'm under water.  (The night before last had been extremely uncomfortable.)  Now, no headache, no body aches (other than the usual), no fever, and no sore throat. 

   I smoked some Cannabis sativa around noon, and it inspired me to renew my exercise regimen a bit.  No hard-core stuff – just my routine Tai Chi, stretching, light calisthenics and my recently learned Yoga stretches targeting sciatica pain.  This has made me feel very good, and it also gave me incentive to do some needed housework.  (There is a recent study – but not yet replicated as far as I know – that suggests smoking cannabis, with both its CBD and THC, may lessen the chance and/or severity of "long Covid".) 

   I have a theory of my probable transmission contact for Covid.  Last Thursday, one week ago, I was returning home on an extremely crowded train, and a big young Thai guy in our car was sneezing like I've never seen before.  He was sneezing violently, loudly, uncontrollably, and it seemed like he would sneeze his brains out!  I've never seen a common cold to cause this.  He wore no mask, and he didn't even try to cover his mouth while continually spewing droplets throughout the crowded car.  It was five days after this contact that I had my first symptoms. 

   Because my parents-in-law are old and in such frail health, I'm in isolation on the second floor, in my bedroom and small adjoining room for my Yoga mat, and the open veranda with its shower, toilet, comfortable camp chair and a good fan.  It is Tuk's birthday, but I've only been able to wish her a happy one via phone, since she is avoiding any contact with me and staying on the parents' side of the house.  My life-long hermit nature helps me navigate such isolation.  

-Zenwind. 

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I Caught Covid Again

 

   I suspected what might be happening yesterday, when my throat didn't feel right, like it was going to be sore.  Then, occasional chills, which I compensated for by wrapping a scarf around my neck, not using the A/C, and actually turning off the fan even though it was over 90*F and uncomfortably humid. 

   By evening, I was certain that I was coming down with a common cold (which has always hit me hard after these exact symptoms), or, it could be Covid again.  Sweats, chills, body aches, fever and headache – quite the bummer in an otherwise good week. 

   The night was terrible – classic Dhukka.  Early this morning, I met Tuk in the kitchen and asked her to get the Covid Test kit.  Positive!  Now Tuk must wheel Mother out to greet the monk, I must be isolated up in my room and veranda, and Ree (who often buys groceries, etc., for us) must pick up things for me.  And, I had really wanted to go into the city tonight to see the one-time-only showing of *Amadeus* (1984) at my movie club.  I don't know how long I will be isolated, but I'm going stir-crazy already! 

   I had tested positive for Covid two years ago, but that was only like a very mild cold.  This time it's more like a severe cold.  My temperature is down to normal now, and I think I'll be okay before too long.  

-Zenwind. 

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Rain Again

 

   Finally, some brief, but unpredictable, cooler moments in the hottest season I've ever experienced.  It isn't really raining a whole lot yet, and the direct Sun cooks you, but there are more times of clouds shielding us from it. 

   Daily dewpoints (the measure of hot/humid uncomfortableness) are starting to dip down into the bottom edge of the range described as "Extremely Uncomfortable and Oppressive", rather than the recent normal of being stalled at the top of that range and occasionally going above it into the "Severely High" range.  Man, it's been hot. 

   The sound of thunder is welcome, and when it does rain, I enjoy the sound of it on rooves and the fresh smell of it in the air.  It cools down the entire world. Blessed coolness – Zen delight! 

-Zenwind. 

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Northward March of the Sun

 

   For a while now, after 6:30 AM each morning, I've been watching the Sun's rising from the exact same spot each morning, and I'm noting the differences in its positions and timing.  It's marching toward its most northern point at the June Solstice.  And this reminds me of working my father's farm over half a century ago. 

   Here, I don't have a good view to the East because of buildings (our best sky views are to the West).  But since I've been escorting Mother-in-law out to give morning alms to the monk before 0630, our spot on the corner now has a view of the Sun coming up.  Before this, it was obscured by trees, but for the moment it rises over houses down the soi. 

   When I was doing my father's farm work on June mornings, I would put milking machines on two cows and then pause to look out the stable windows to the East.  I would watch the Sun come up and note exactly where it rose in reference to the fence posts along the line fence.  As the Solstice approached, I marked its daily progress northward on the eastern horizon.  At the Solstice, it paused, for what seemed like two mornings, then it started its daily retreat South.  Blessed memories! 

   Sugar Grove was an astronomical observatory, with relatively clear skies and wide horizons.  Here, I can't even see Orion, although I can see Sirius.  But the Moon shines through the haze, and I've been teaching Tuk to actually see and track the four lunar phases corresponding to the four monthly Buddhist holy days (that she has known all her life). 

   Ramadan has just ended for Muslims with this New Moon, and I'm appreciating more why the Crescent Moon is of such importance to them. 

-Zenwind. 

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Tiger Kitty, RIP

 

  Tiger Kitty, a popular neighborhood outside-dwelling cat only several years old, has died.  Very strong and healthy, reports say she just laid down and passed away.  No known cause, with some speculation that it was a snake bite, as she lived outside and slept in various places. 

  Tiger Kitty was sort of adopted by the family of the beautician/barber living next door, where our alley meets the corner of the soi.  The kitten was quite wild and tended to bite, so they couldn't let her live inside due to their baby.  So, all of the immediate neighborhood fed the little tiger cat – e.g., the motorcycle-taxi guys on the corner and various other locals – and Tuk and I had her neutered and vaccinated. 

  She increasingly came to our gate or climbed down the wall to our courtyard to eat food that Tuk gave her.  She no longer nipped ankles, and she allowed to be petted.  In the early mornings, she would sit close by as I did Tai Chi movements all around her.  Tiger to tiger. 

  She had become a welcome everyday visitor.  But no more. 

-Zenwind. 

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Dragon Moon

 

  Last evening, the thin waxing Crescent Moon, on the third day of this Chinese New Year (the Year of the Dragon), sat low in the West.  Its orange fingernail shape faced straight down at the horizon, like a bright smile. 

  Temperatures and dewpoints have been fluctuating day to day, from relatively comfortable dewpoints to those considered "extremely uncomfortable/ oppressive".  Today is comfortable, but in the next couple of days we will be in the "oppressive" zone again – in other words, back to normal – for a long stretch. 

  On Saturday, we had some rain showers – rather rare for this time of year – and I followed the forecast and was prepared with an umbrella on my long walk.  My Merrell daypack's rain cover is excellent, so the only part of me getting wet was my sandaled feet.  I haven't worn long trousers in years. 

-Zenwind. 

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Mornings

I am still enjoying the mornings waiting for the monk on the corner with Mother-in-law.  The waning Moon phases track the week, and Venus is sinking closer to the Sun each day. 

I am reminded of my childhood on the farm when I hear roosters crowing and smell chickens across the soi, and the rosy pre-dawn skies and easy breezes are like a summer morning. 

On weekdays, the corner is busy, with vendors selling food and folks walking to work at the electric company.  But on weekends it is deserted and quiet, and the security guards next door play some recorded Thai traditional music that I really like:  one stringed instrument with some kind of drum. 

-Zenwind. 

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Tai Chi before Dawn

 

First hint of light.  Still.  Dry, comfortably cool.

Mother-in-law sits, waiting for monk.

Waning gibbous Moon, just past Full, going down in West.

Busy birds make a racket everywhere.

Physically, I explore all the stiff and sore spots in this old aching body.

Mentally, I float. 

-Zenwind. 

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