13 March 2011

Anniversary of a Cult Founder

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[quote] It is an anniversary for the late Mr. Sell Bond Blubberd. Blubberd was a genius, the greatest of all the 20th century intra-galactic seers and cosmic historians, and he was a magnificently successful religious profit [sic] and a brilliant scam artist. [/quote]
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[I am quoting this document exactly as it was written and forwarded to me by a Ch’an friend by the name of Han Shan, who was once briefly acquainted with the cult mentioned here. –ZW.]
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[quote] Blubberd is best known for founding the incredibly lucrative Church of the ScienceFictionist, a religion of wide international following to which many high-profile celebrities and other notorious zanies flock. Many are expecting Charlie Sheen to get on board very soon, if he can muster up the required cash.
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Blubberd is also famous as an absolutely hilarious cosmic jester, a laugh-out-loud-funny, hold-your-gut-and-roll-on-the-floor-gasping-for-breath satirist and prankster. For instance, after a typical ScienceFictionist Church newbie is lured into many years of studies, continual browbeating, and tens upon tens of thousands of dollars of contributions to the church, he is finally given access to the promised secret documents underlying the holy metaphysics of the entire religion. I.e., one must achieve the church’s official higher status of the level of an “ID-e-OT DCLXVI” – and this costs a lot of money to buy into – before earning access to the secret documents.
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Surprise! When you are finally given permission to read this cosmic history and theology of the church in these secret sacred documents, it all just seems like something out of the more seedy science fiction scenarios or cheaper comic books. You read about the cruel galactic dictator, Zeranhu, and his atrocities millions of years ago, e.g., “The Twoth Affair,” revealing the Flaming Buttocks story that involved massive turmoil, death, destruction and terror on earth and its near environs. What a prank! Blubberd always had promoted his persona as that of a high-seas pirate, and you can see from photos of those days that he was laughing his ass off all the way to the bank. A genius of joke and scam, rolling merrily in the money. What a guy!
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Blubberd’s business model here is incredibly successful, even improving upon other similar traditional religions’ scams by orders of magnitude. What a dude. He was a cynical opportunist with a great sense of humor and a genius for talking people out of their gold. It is sad that his church’s heirs today have no such sense of humor at all and are mostly concerned with both controlling their sheep and filing lawsuits against anyone who insults or threatens their holy cash cow.
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Mr. Sell Bond Blubberd was a really funny guy – a modern pirate with incredible audacity – and we will all miss him. [/quote]
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-Zenwind.

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